So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize