i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
