His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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