can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
