woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
