And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
