Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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