I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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