Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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