Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
