New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
