Umm I'm too high to move.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
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I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
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I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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