did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
