so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
