Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
