my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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