I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
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The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
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They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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