I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
