"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
