she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Terrible idea I love it
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
