I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
