I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
