About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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