Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
