I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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