Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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