You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
