My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
