I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
