Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Do vagina's smell?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
