Dual....:-)
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
