Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
