dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
There are leaves in my underwear?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
