My brain says no but my pants say off.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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