Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
