Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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