i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
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For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
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Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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