i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
