the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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