do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
