I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
it's like iHOP with fire
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
