dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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