I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
