i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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