My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
someone threw a dead crab at me
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
