I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
