I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
