sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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