You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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