According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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