You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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