No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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