i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
