Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
