He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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