I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
