Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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