I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
