ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
