Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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