I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
