R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
this boner is exhausting
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
