I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
