That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
