thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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