So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
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i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
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You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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