Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
