i would punch a child for taco bell
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
