At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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