remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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