I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
