"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
