mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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