i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
two words: eviction party
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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