New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
