after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
