Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
