Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Drake has all the answers
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
