u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
