God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
